A little dose of reality

The long weekend was wonderful. Not only did I get to spend it in community with other Christians, but it opened my eyes to the desires of my heart. 

Coming home sucked. I wanted to stay there forever. Waking up to the sound of the water hitting the shore line, to boats breezing by and the smell of last nights campfire still in the air. It was incredible. Coming home made me realize something though. No matter where you are, Jesus is there also. Away, home, there, here, Jesus is with you. 

My butt got put into gear this morning. Reality came knocking on my door through the sound of my alarm clock kicking this tired girly out of bed. I got my courses sorted out for school, and I also made a commitment to the Lord, again. But this time, it was very specific. 

So here it goes. 

Last night I went to this wonderful thing called Ethos. It's a young adults service all about inspiring young adults to love Jesus and to make Him known. 

"Ethos should strive to be a hopeful, humble, hill." 

The biggest thing I got out of this sermon wasn't to do with work or positions or being in a place of authority. What I got out of it related to what my heart was going through. That sermon was for me. 

Daniel knew which hill to die on. He knew when to stand and that's because he knew where God was leading him. 

This brought upon the thought of dating. It is only by God that I am placed in that position. Wherever the Lord places me, that's the position I'm supposed to be in. He calls us to be in different positions at different times. One revelation I had last night was that I'm in no place to be in a position of dating, I'm just not. My heart is still healing, my trust is still suffering, and the Lord has a time for me. 

Isaiah 40:25-31 reads 

“To whom then will you compare me, that I should be like him? says the Holy One. Lift up your eyes on high and see: who created these? He who brings out their host by number, calling them all by name, by the greatness of his might, and because he is strong in power not one is missing. Why do you say, O Jacob, and speak, O Israel, "My way is hidden from the Lord, and my right is disregarded by my God"? Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”

They who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength

For an entire year, I will wait on the Lord. He will build me up with wings like eagles and I will not grow weary, I will not faint. The Lord has me, he has carried me all this time. 

July 1st 2017 I will revisit this idea of dating, but until then... I will wait on the Lord and I will trust in Him. He's mighty, He is strong and He is so incredibly loving. This year will be life changing. Not only will I use this to pull myself closer to Christ, but it will help me to be still. 

I'll appreciate friendships and I'll build on them. Nothing will be in the way, nothing will separate me from the love of the Lord.

Not only will this show me things about myself, but it'll give me time to work on them. No prospects, just Jesus. 

I'll be intentional with my relationships and I'll appreciate them so much more. It'll be an all around Jesus party 🎉

I want to be hopeful and I want to be humble. A strong relationship with the Lord is a life changer. 

InstaWHO?

If you couldn't tell by this title, this little post is about Instagram.
Man, have I got a lot to say about this social outlet, but that would probably make my hands cramp.

Instagram... the good, the bad, the neat and the ugly.

Positivity pants ON:
It's a great way to connect.
It's a useful tool, especially in business.
If it's cool, it's on Instagram.

Reality pants ON:
It's difficult.
It's hard not to get caught up in it all, not to be completely consumed with how many likes you have, how many follows, it's hard, I get it.

Let me speak this though... The minute you let the enemy take an inch of your truths, he takes a mile. He takes an entire Country. And it freaking sucks. He's good at what he does. He destroys and he loves it.


The minute you let the enemy take an inch of your truths, he takes a mile.

Instagram is this new cool thing that everyone seems to have. It's all about them hashtags. And heck, I use hashtags! I think it's so neat when someone from across the world loves my photo. When it's good enough for other people to (<3) it, I feel proud.
But that's the key. The minute you begin to believe that a photo is either worthy or unworthy of being posted is the minute you begin to spiral into a pit that leads to jealousy, insecurity, and loneliness.

Little lies lead to big lies. Big lies get to your heart.

God didn't call us to be afraid, he didn't call us to coward and bow down to the devil who destroys. He called us to holiness.

It starts small, it really does.

My photo isn't good enough, I'm not good enough.
My caption isn't good enough, I'm not good enough.
That girl is freaking beautiful, look how popular her feed is.
My follower count went down, I'm not good enough.
No one liked my photo, no one told me I was beautiful or that it was a good shot, I'm not good enough. 

Do you see what I mean?

You start to notice those tiny details, they become big details and even bigger problems.

My parents never dealt with this. They didn't have cellphones. They played outside. Yeah, I know that's a majorly overused statement. Wanna know why? Because it's TRUE and it's GOOD.

They didn't care what was going on with people if they weren't with them. They truly lived in the present and enjoyed the company that surrounded them. Now, everyone has their phones out. You're lucky if you can get through a conversation without anyone touching their phone. Going out for dinner has become difficult. There are cell phones being held while crossing a darn street. With cars all around. My parents gasp at what this world is changing into. What this generation of texters and instagrammers will do with the world. They really have no idea what's coming.

Now, you can make money with blogging. Blogging. I think it's cool, my parents think it isn't a stable income trusting others with your finances instead of taking charge and doing something yourself. Blogging to make money depends on the readers, it depends on how much traffic your blog has.

It used to be about security and now it's about creativity and happiness.

Let me tell you this... working hard no matter what you do, doesn't lead to happiness. Enjoying what you do may make you happy, but it doesn't lead to joyfulness. Now, don't confuse the two.

True joy is found in the presence of the Lord. In Him, there is joy.

My heart breaks every time one of my friends comes to me saying Instagram is ruining their confidence. It breaks.my.heart. I didn't understand it at first. But scrolling through my feed, I realized I don't even pay attention to each post, I just scroll, and like, and scroll, and observe. That's it. So much of my morning and my evening is consumed with Instagram. I timed how much time I spent on it before going to bed. I can confidently say I spent 45 minutes scrolling through Instagram before finally putting my phone away for bed. That's INSANE.

Do you know how much Jesus time I could have had?? So much of my day is spent searching and clicking on people or photos I really have no connection with, when the Lord our God is probably waiting there just saying "Amy, come on, pay attention!"

Guys, our God is a jealous God. When something or someone is in the way of your focus, He'll let you know.

You shall have no other gods before me.
Exodus 20:3

Different gods?
Instagram, relationships, twitter, Facebook, blogging, friends, sex, drugs, alcohol, video games, porn. Any/all of these things can sometimes become a god in your life. All your attention is payed to it, you worship it, you serve it. Sometimes you don't even realize it.

God gets jealous, and I think we forget that.

It's number one on the list for a reason. It's a guideline because He loves us and knows what's best for us. These commandments lead to life. Eternal life.
What's greater than that?
Eternal life with the creator of everything.

You know why Instagram ruins your confidence? Because you've place the opinions of others above Gods opinion. You've placed their approval above His.

Know why it's hard to fix? Because sin can only be taken away through Jesus. It's not easy to let go. But I promise you, do it and you'll feel so free. There's a weight that gets lifted from your shoulders. It's the heaviest weight you're carrying at the time, and He takes it. He carries it. He carries you AND that weight. He takes it all.

Give it to God.

I know that's become a Christianese term, but it's also a helpful truth.

Give it to God.

Positivity pants ON: There are so many different accounts made specifically to make Jesus known. Be apart of it, make your own account, or simply pay attention to those ones. Know we all  struggle, that you're not in this alone. That's the positive out of Instagram and Christians on Instagram. You are not alone.

How little I know

Hey you, 

I know life is hard. Sometimes it really sucks. You don't know what to do, where to go, what to study, who to be in love with, how to save money, how to spend money...There are so many questions to answer, and at 20, I don't know any of those answers. The only thing I know and have peace with is that the Lord is in control of it all. I've spent so many nights tossing and turning because I've tried taking control of situations. I've worried like never before. I constantly worry about the things I can't fix, the things I don't have control over. Control has been something I've held close. Its difficult talking about things you're going through while you're going through them. So here's something I struggle with daily: Patience.

Control isn't something I need to have when I have patience. Patience is a good fruit, control is not. The one who has control is the almighty God. And who am I? Who am I to stress about the things i cannot change? Who takes care of a child? A parent. Who takes care of the mess when the child is freaking out because they're little and don't know what to do? A parent. I am a child of God. He looks after me, He takes care of me and He loves me. If He is for me, then who can be against me! 

A note for myself - don't worry about the things you don't have control over. Because really, you don't have control over anything. Circumstances change, people grow, and the best thing you can do is sit back and smile because Gods got it all in the palm of His hand. 

Get into the word, it'll make your Monday even better. 

You're "like" a sister to me

Let me just clarify that I fully don't believe there's anything wrong with viewing someone like a sister. We're all brothers and sisters in Christ. But there comes a point where that term either shouldn't be used, or it really does suck to be on the receiving end of it. 

Men, how does this sit with you? "You're like a brother to me!" .... Imagine you've been crushing on a girly for a while now and she finally comes out and says you're like a brother to her. Worse, you're like a little brother to her. 

Before I get more into this, I want to start off by saying there's a beautiful thing about being told you're like a sibling to someone. To them, it means you're safe. It's a comfortable place to be in. 

I'm currently reading a book called "Captivating" and golly has it made my heart stir! Someone recently told me that saying is the most rejection in the kindest of words. There's 100% truth to that. It really is something kind. Ladies, you don't want a man who sees you like his sister! Not only is that a little weird, but it means he's not going to pursue you in the way you want to be pursued by a man! A man should find you captivating. He should be interested in pursuing you the way that Jesus pursues you. He should be after your heart. A brother pursues you in different ways... Not romantically, of course. 

A guy telling you you're like a sister to him is truly something to be thankful for. There's no guessing game. Not only is he telling you he loves you, but he's letting you know you're safe to him. He's letting you know he doesn't have those feelings for you, that they aren't mutual. It's such a thing to be at peace with! There's no way to try and force someone to pursue you. He should already find you captivating. You shouldn't have to work for that. The only thing you need to do is be tight with the Lord. That's it. That's all God asks. Make him number 1 and nothing that comes your way will seem like a big deal in regards to heartache. There is so much peace and joy when you hold fast to what God is speaking to you. 

Esther 4:14 has been on my heart lately. 

“For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father's house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?”

How will you respond to pain? How will you respond to disappointment? The Lord has called you to the kingdom for such a time as this. He's placed you here for a reason beyond your understanding. 

Trust in the Lord and His plans for your life. Not only will you not face disappointment, but you'll be so insanely full of joy. 

So here's to all the girlies out there who are constantly referred to as a sister. Patience is on your side, the Lord has something in store. 

Heart wide open

Tonight I began reading old love letters. Yes, I know, bad idea. It got my heart stirring. It led me to wonder what went wrong, why everything came crashing down. Truth is, I know why. I just haven't wanted to face it. I haven't wanted to open that wound. 

Tonight, I've opened my wound. 

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 

When two people love like this, there is no regret. When two people stay within the emotional and physical boundaries, there is no regret. God has set those boundaries. Ignoring them, means ignoring God. The minute we push aside truth, we allow sin to enter. Sin destroys. Sometimes we don't even mean to let it in, it's so darn easy. It's easy to give in to the ways of the world. It's easy to ignore what we know as truth, especially if it's something we desire. 

What's not easy is living in that sin. 

Brothers and sisters, there is good news. 

The God I serve gives grace to those who don't even ask for it. He took up the cross and replaced barrabas. He took on all of our sin. By grace alone, we have been saved. Nothing I do will ever erase that. Nothing I do can ever change that. The Lord God sent His son Jesus to pay the ultimate price, death on a cross, so that we might be in relationship with Him. Jesus was innocent, yet he took the place of someone who had done wrong, who actually deserved this punishment. But Jesus knew what was ahead. He knew what he had to do. Because He loves. 

It's Easter. It's Saturday night. There's Friday, there's Sunday, but there isn't much talk of Saturday. I wonder what it was like the day after Jesus died. I sometimes imagine the weeping, the confusion, and the let down that Jesus hadn't fulfilled his promise yet. On a day like today, it's so silly to be thinking about the ways I've messed up. Everything I feel or have felt is nothing compared to what Jesus endured. 

So why do I look at memories? Because they remind of Jesus. They remind me of how he's walked with me this entire time. No matter what I've done, no matter how royally I've screwed up, Jesus has carried me through it. When we're going through something, we don't always see the little details. It's in those moments of reflection that we see what we've done, who we've affected and what we need to do from there. 

God is good. All the time. 

Remember that daily. 

Create in me patience

God takes the most unexpected people to do the most unexpected things. 

I never dreamed of being in this position. Today I got promoted. This wasn't just a little promotion either. I am officially the assistant store manager. I'm 20. I'm still in awe of it all. Me. Amy. Holy moly cow. 

A couple of months ago, I was miserable. Heck, a couple days ago I was miserable. I was drowning in self pity. My heart was broken, that's okay for a little while. It's okay to be sad and hurt. But there's a time when that needs to stop. 

I have purpose for Gods greater purpose. 

It's only recently I'm seeing this. 

We all meet Jesus in different ways. 

One of my favourite sayings goes like this : I would rather be outside thinking about God, than in church thinking about outside. 

To me, this is perfect. That's how some people truly meet Jesus, by exploring his creation and soaking it all in. 

Me? I meet Jesus through music. Every. Single. Time. That's when I experience the Holy Spirit moving in me. When I feel God the most is when singing praise to Him. 

Last Sunday we sang these words "how sure our salvation and we will not be shaken, Jesus firm foundation." It's now Monday evening and I've been singing those lines non stop. 

When we plant ourselves on Gods foundation, we are sturdy. He is our support. He is our refuge. He is our strength. 

I'm so amazed by Gods faithfulness. I've been promised so many times - stick to gods plan, draw close to Him, seek Him during this - and it wasn't until tonight that I'm able to sit back and see what He's done these past months. 

God chose me. He loves me. 

That blows my mind. God loves me so much, that he took something away from me. I don't know how long he'll take it away for, it could be forever even. But that's okay. I stopped paying attention to God. I began making my own decisions and it destroyed me. I chose to ignore God. And look what happened? My heart was broken. I didn't give it to God to take care of. 

Now here's the cool part - 

I have friends. Really good friends. 

I have church community.

I have an awesome, loving family that always has my back. 

I got a promotion... An incredible promotion I so don't deserve. 

I have education. 

I have so many things, yet here I am complaining about the one person I don't have. Really, I should be crying out to the Lord and making HIM that one person. 

You see, I could have everything good in the world and it still wouldn't be enough. 

I wouldn't have Jesus. 

And that's more than anything this world could ever offer me. 

Just when I thought God stopped listening to me... Everything had fallen into place right before my eyes. And to think I wouldn't have even noticed. 

Live in the present. Think about now. Enjoy the moments. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, and love your neighbour as yourself. Lead by example. 

Be patient with God, just as He is patient with us. 

Create in me patience, good, good Father. 

Girl talks

Tuesday. 

The day a little extra coffee is a little bit necessary. If I'm honest, every day since Halloween has been an overload of coffee to get me through. I haven't slept well, I haven't felt right inside. And no, it's not because of the coffee. 

There's this emptiness I was left with • something in my heart just didn't feel whole anymore. It was like my world was spinning all around me and there I was just watching it crash into a million tiny pieces. 

Tonight, I spent time with an old friend. I'm terrible when it comes to planning in advance, so spur of the moment hangouts are my thing. Lately life has been crap. Or at least it's felt like crap. I've been so down and out of it, not wanting to do anything, just getting lost in my thoughts.

You know that feeling you get once you've reached the top of a mountain and you take that very first breath, like you're breathing in life looking over Gods masterpiece? That's how tonight was. Except it happened at pad Thai. 

I've discussed my heart with some close girlfriends. Everyone needs people praying for them. 

(Every girl needs a strong group of ladies who are insane prayer warriors, they'll be there through it all, and will always point you towards the King). 

This friend is always the first one to point me towards Jesus. She's humble, wise, and completely in love with the Lord. And her guy ;). But really, she's wonderful. She doesn't have all the answers. None of us do. BUT good news... She serves the one who does. The God who knows EVERYTHING, whether we like that or not! 

For Christmas I asked for a book called 5 minutes with Jesus. Just something little I could read every day. One devotion spoke about being honest with God. He knows everything that's going on, but we need to say it. Yell it if we have to. Does God deserve our anger? Heck no. But he loves us still. I can't imagine someone yelling at me and not even thinking twice about forgiving them and loving them within seconds of it all happening. But God does it. Every. Single. Day. 

So I gave it a shot. I got mad at God.

That sounds so crazy to say out loud. I yelled at God.. And it felt amazing. Tears were running down my cheeks, my voice shook and I called out to Christ like never before. I told him why I was mad at him. Why I was mad at myself. That I just didn't know what to do. 

After that I felt calm. Like I had finally blurted out the biggest kept secret. Funny thing is God already knew everything I was feeling, yet I tried to hide it from him. 

I called on God and he answered me. 

The next night we read on 1 Samuel 8. How Saul was now the king of Israel, but everything went south the moment he stopped asking God for guidance. When he began to make his decisions without God, his world fell apart. 

My world fell apart when I chose my own way. I didn't include God in any decisions, I didn't ask him for guidance. I wasn't being real with God. 

We see what's on the outside, but the Lord God sees the heart. No matter how much I fake it, God knows my heart. He knows my desires, my worries, my fears, and he brings me peace about it all. Peace is something only attainable through a relationship with Jesus Christ. No one comes to the Father except through Him. 

••• 

Stay close to those who encourage you. Keep fighting the good fight. 

#imperfecthuman 

The coyotes seem to be yellin praises tonight too.