You're "like" a sister to me

Let me just clarify that I fully don't believe there's anything wrong with viewing someone like a sister. We're all brothers and sisters in Christ. But there comes a point where that term either shouldn't be used, or it really does suck to be on the receiving end of it. 

Men, how does this sit with you? "You're like a brother to me!" .... Imagine you've been crushing on a girly for a while now and she finally comes out and says you're like a brother to her. Worse, you're like a little brother to her. 

Before I get more into this, I want to start off by saying there's a beautiful thing about being told you're like a sibling to someone. To them, it means you're safe. It's a comfortable place to be in. 

I'm currently reading a book called "Captivating" and golly has it made my heart stir! Someone recently told me that saying is the most rejection in the kindest of words. There's 100% truth to that. It really is something kind. Ladies, you don't want a man who sees you like his sister! Not only is that a little weird, but it means he's not going to pursue you in the way you want to be pursued by a man! A man should find you captivating. He should be interested in pursuing you the way that Jesus pursues you. He should be after your heart. A brother pursues you in different ways... Not romantically, of course. 

A guy telling you you're like a sister to him is truly something to be thankful for. There's no guessing game. Not only is he telling you he loves you, but he's letting you know you're safe to him. He's letting you know he doesn't have those feelings for you, that they aren't mutual. It's such a thing to be at peace with! There's no way to try and force someone to pursue you. He should already find you captivating. You shouldn't have to work for that. The only thing you need to do is be tight with the Lord. That's it. That's all God asks. Make him number 1 and nothing that comes your way will seem like a big deal in regards to heartache. There is so much peace and joy when you hold fast to what God is speaking to you. 

Esther 4:14 has been on my heart lately. 

“For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father's house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?”

How will you respond to pain? How will you respond to disappointment? The Lord has called you to the kingdom for such a time as this. He's placed you here for a reason beyond your understanding. 

Trust in the Lord and His plans for your life. Not only will you not face disappointment, but you'll be so insanely full of joy. 

So here's to all the girlies out there who are constantly referred to as a sister. Patience is on your side, the Lord has something in store. 

Heart wide open

Tonight I began reading old love letters. Yes, I know, bad idea. It got my heart stirring. It led me to wonder what went wrong, why everything came crashing down. Truth is, I know why. I just haven't wanted to face it. I haven't wanted to open that wound. 

Tonight, I've opened my wound. 

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 

When two people love like this, there is no regret. When two people stay within the emotional and physical boundaries, there is no regret. God has set those boundaries. Ignoring them, means ignoring God. The minute we push aside truth, we allow sin to enter. Sin destroys. Sometimes we don't even mean to let it in, it's so darn easy. It's easy to give in to the ways of the world. It's easy to ignore what we know as truth, especially if it's something we desire. 

What's not easy is living in that sin. 

Brothers and sisters, there is good news. 

The God I serve gives grace to those who don't even ask for it. He took up the cross and replaced barrabas. He took on all of our sin. By grace alone, we have been saved. Nothing I do will ever erase that. Nothing I do can ever change that. The Lord God sent His son Jesus to pay the ultimate price, death on a cross, so that we might be in relationship with Him. Jesus was innocent, yet he took the place of someone who had done wrong, who actually deserved this punishment. But Jesus knew what was ahead. He knew what he had to do. Because He loves. 

It's Easter. It's Saturday night. There's Friday, there's Sunday, but there isn't much talk of Saturday. I wonder what it was like the day after Jesus died. I sometimes imagine the weeping, the confusion, and the let down that Jesus hadn't fulfilled his promise yet. On a day like today, it's so silly to be thinking about the ways I've messed up. Everything I feel or have felt is nothing compared to what Jesus endured. 

So why do I look at memories? Because they remind of Jesus. They remind me of how he's walked with me this entire time. No matter what I've done, no matter how royally I've screwed up, Jesus has carried me through it. When we're going through something, we don't always see the little details. It's in those moments of reflection that we see what we've done, who we've affected and what we need to do from there. 

God is good. All the time. 

Remember that daily. 

Create in me patience

God takes the most unexpected people to do the most unexpected things. 

I never dreamed of being in this position. Today I got promoted. This wasn't just a little promotion either. I am officially the assistant store manager. I'm 20. I'm still in awe of it all. Me. Amy. Holy moly cow. 

A couple of months ago, I was miserable. Heck, a couple days ago I was miserable. I was drowning in self pity. My heart was broken, that's okay for a little while. It's okay to be sad and hurt. But there's a time when that needs to stop. 

I have purpose for Gods greater purpose. 

It's only recently I'm seeing this. 

We all meet Jesus in different ways. 

One of my favourite sayings goes like this : I would rather be outside thinking about God, than in church thinking about outside. 

To me, this is perfect. That's how some people truly meet Jesus, by exploring his creation and soaking it all in. 

Me? I meet Jesus through music. Every. Single. Time. That's when I experience the Holy Spirit moving in me. When I feel God the most is when singing praise to Him. 

Last Sunday we sang these words "how sure our salvation and we will not be shaken, Jesus firm foundation." It's now Monday evening and I've been singing those lines non stop. 

When we plant ourselves on Gods foundation, we are sturdy. He is our support. He is our refuge. He is our strength. 

I'm so amazed by Gods faithfulness. I've been promised so many times - stick to gods plan, draw close to Him, seek Him during this - and it wasn't until tonight that I'm able to sit back and see what He's done these past months. 

God chose me. He loves me. 

That blows my mind. God loves me so much, that he took something away from me. I don't know how long he'll take it away for, it could be forever even. But that's okay. I stopped paying attention to God. I began making my own decisions and it destroyed me. I chose to ignore God. And look what happened? My heart was broken. I didn't give it to God to take care of. 

Now here's the cool part - 

I have friends. Really good friends. 

I have church community.

I have an awesome, loving family that always has my back. 

I got a promotion... An incredible promotion I so don't deserve. 

I have education. 

I have so many things, yet here I am complaining about the one person I don't have. Really, I should be crying out to the Lord and making HIM that one person. 

You see, I could have everything good in the world and it still wouldn't be enough. 

I wouldn't have Jesus. 

And that's more than anything this world could ever offer me. 

Just when I thought God stopped listening to me... Everything had fallen into place right before my eyes. And to think I wouldn't have even noticed. 

Live in the present. Think about now. Enjoy the moments. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, and love your neighbour as yourself. Lead by example. 

Be patient with God, just as He is patient with us. 

Create in me patience, good, good Father. 

Girl talks

Tuesday. 

The day a little extra coffee is a little bit necessary. If I'm honest, every day since Halloween has been an overload of coffee to get me through. I haven't slept well, I haven't felt right inside. And no, it's not because of the coffee. 

There's this emptiness I was left with • something in my heart just didn't feel whole anymore. It was like my world was spinning all around me and there I was just watching it crash into a million tiny pieces. 

Tonight, I spent time with an old friend. I'm terrible when it comes to planning in advance, so spur of the moment hangouts are my thing. Lately life has been crap. Or at least it's felt like crap. I've been so down and out of it, not wanting to do anything, just getting lost in my thoughts.

You know that feeling you get once you've reached the top of a mountain and you take that very first breath, like you're breathing in life looking over Gods masterpiece? That's how tonight was. Except it happened at pad Thai. 

I've discussed my heart with some close girlfriends. Everyone needs people praying for them. 

(Every girl needs a strong group of ladies who are insane prayer warriors, they'll be there through it all, and will always point you towards the King). 

This friend is always the first one to point me towards Jesus. She's humble, wise, and completely in love with the Lord. And her guy ;). But really, she's wonderful. She doesn't have all the answers. None of us do. BUT good news... She serves the one who does. The God who knows EVERYTHING, whether we like that or not! 

For Christmas I asked for a book called 5 minutes with Jesus. Just something little I could read every day. One devotion spoke about being honest with God. He knows everything that's going on, but we need to say it. Yell it if we have to. Does God deserve our anger? Heck no. But he loves us still. I can't imagine someone yelling at me and not even thinking twice about forgiving them and loving them within seconds of it all happening. But God does it. Every. Single. Day. 

So I gave it a shot. I got mad at God.

That sounds so crazy to say out loud. I yelled at God.. And it felt amazing. Tears were running down my cheeks, my voice shook and I called out to Christ like never before. I told him why I was mad at him. Why I was mad at myself. That I just didn't know what to do. 

After that I felt calm. Like I had finally blurted out the biggest kept secret. Funny thing is God already knew everything I was feeling, yet I tried to hide it from him. 

I called on God and he answered me. 

The next night we read on 1 Samuel 8. How Saul was now the king of Israel, but everything went south the moment he stopped asking God for guidance. When he began to make his decisions without God, his world fell apart. 

My world fell apart when I chose my own way. I didn't include God in any decisions, I didn't ask him for guidance. I wasn't being real with God. 

We see what's on the outside, but the Lord God sees the heart. No matter how much I fake it, God knows my heart. He knows my desires, my worries, my fears, and he brings me peace about it all. Peace is something only attainable through a relationship with Jesus Christ. No one comes to the Father except through Him. 

••• 

Stay close to those who encourage you. Keep fighting the good fight. 

#imperfecthuman 

The coyotes seem to be yellin praises tonight too.  

So this is it

On my walk I was thinking. I was thinking about this thing that's happening between two young people. About how they think it's real and want it to be real so badly but are so afraid that it's not real, that maybe it's not meant to be. About how he likes her and she likes him. About how he's never felt this way for someone, and about how this feeling that he has when he thinks about her and talks to her and dreams about her and hugs her and sees her is something that he doesn't want to let go. Not yet. About how hard it will be to wait for the right time, to not be with her for maybe weeks at a time, to only write to her. About how if this whole thing isn't real, if it doesn't work out, that he wants to remember it in some way, because he's learned so much, and grown so much, and he wants to remember what it was like to have those feelings for her, and remember the chills he got, the way he shook and jumped around just thinking about her, the way he couldn't stop smiling when he was looking at her, and how a smile said so many words without saying one. So he found a way to remember it.

So he wrote their names in cement and they lived happily ever after. 
Wrong. 

Imagine what it would be like if we felt that way about Jesus. If we got chills just thinking about how much he loves us. If we couldn't wait to talk with him. 

What's written here on earth is temporary. What's written on our hearts is eternal.

Rely on the Lord and it's always a happily ever after, it won't feel that way all the time, but it is. 

Where did summer go?

#imperfecthuman

It's not about me

I'll start this off by saying this isn't a happy post. This isn't one of me talking about how content I am right now, how content I've been, or how content I should be. This is a post of how difficult it is for me to be happy.  I have absolutely no reason to be discontent. None. I have family and friends that surround me, I have a great church community full of people who really love me. I have God. What's missing? Oh right.. I made someone else my god.

I pushed everyone aside and made this one tiny person my entire world. I depended on him for my happiness. I began making up this picture in my mind of how life would be with him, how perfect it would be. We would have each other and that was good enough for me. It was amazing actually. I would get to spend every single day with my best friend.

That's not how it's supposed to be though. I know that, but it's hard to put my own wants and desires aside. It isn't about me.

A relationship isn't about the two people involved. Really, there should be three people involved. Man, woman, God. God should be number one in the relationship. I made the man my god. That sounds extreme, but it's true. Our God is a jealous God. He wants my attention. He wants my love. Did I give any of that to him? No. I gave it to someone who would never ever be able to fulfill this empty void inside my heart. I gave it all to someone who wasn't God. And that's when my little perfect world came crumbling down. It ended. It was done. My heart still aches and hopes for it to be different, but it's not. It won't ever be.

Everyone talks about being content in the 'now' and that's something I struggle with daily.
I'm not content in the now, I have no idea where I'm going. But there's this God, this King, this Saviour, who has my life all planned out. And it's perfect. He is perfect. When I follow gods path, there is happiness. Its not all rainbows and lollipops, there is struggle, but it's all to build up His kingdom.

God never promised to make me happy, He promised to make me HOLY. and that's something only God can do.

Friends, heartache sucks. It really does. Dating sucks, because for me it's only led to heartache. Not only do you lose your best friend, but you lose the family you've come to love dearly.  I've wondered what I did wrong. Why I'm not what they wanted. But that alone is the problem. I am constantly wanted by Christ. He wants me the most. He cherishes me, pursues me, and LOVES ME.

Ladies, it's time we start dating Jesus. Lets see what that's like. Dating Jesus. I can't fathom what it would look like for me to be dating Jesus... How my heart would change, how my desires would change... It would be incredible. So why can't I let it go? Give up on this guy? Because my earthly desires are strong and I'm stubborn. But God is stronger. God is greater than what I face and have faced.

Enough with being "content in the now"

How about being content with Jesus.